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We’re fortunate to live in an age where everyone is free to embrace their sexuality, whether in terms of sexual orientation, choice of relationship, freedom of expression or even public exposure. This greater tolerance of mores has made it possible to reveal sexual tendencies sometimes unknown to a certain majority, such as sapiosexuality.
And if you’ve never heard of it, you’ve come to the right place! We take a look at sapiosexuality from every angle, from its origins to its characteristics, as well as practical advice for sapiosexuals looking for love.
© Can Stock Photo / AlexanderPokusay
Sapiosexuality, or the attraction to intelligence first sapiosexual meaning !
Sapiosexuality, or sapiophilia, is the tendency to be attracted (emotionally and/or sexually) to a person’s intelligence. In other words, a sapiosexual is not limited to beauty or other aesthetic elements, but is entirely seduced by the mind.
As intelligence is not a totally objective and unique component (remember that there are 8 types of intelligence according to the American psychologist Howard GARDNER), each sapiophile will establish his or her own selection criteria!
Some will prefer a broad general knowledge, while others will focus on specialized knowledge in more specific fields, the value of diplomas obtained, the ability to debate, or the depth of reflection on life…
Is sapiosexuality a sexual orientation? Another sapiosexual definition…
Many things are changing in our society. Alongside the 3 classic sexual orientations of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality, you may also hear talk of pansexuality (i.e. being attracted to a person of any sex and sexual gender). It would then be easy to conflate sapiosexuality with different sexual orientations…
To be clear, here’s an example: if you like people of a different sex to yours, but only with brown hair, your orientation is still heterosexual. The hair is just a particular characteristic, and makes absolutely no difference to the person’s sex. And the same applies here! That’s why it’s a good idea to define sapiosexuality as sexual preference. Sapiosexuals generally have a well-defined sexual orientation, and will therefore seek their partner (sexual or romantic) from the gender that attracts them.
Read also What Non-binary mean?
Is sapiosexuality new?
Although there’s been a lot more talk about it in recent years, it’s important to understand that sapiosexuality is far from just a fad. Its origins are not clearly defined, but sapiophilia goes back at least as far as ancient Greece! In that society, philosophy and debate were omnipresent among the great thinkers, men who often fell in love with each other despite living heterosexually in public…
Later, it was the birth of libertinism, in particular, that brought harmony of the mind on a par with harmony of the body. Contrary to popular belief, the libertine spirit was first and foremost one of free thought, philosophical reflection and moral emancipation, before moving on to sexual freedom! In fact, libertines, past and present, all share the same spirit and philosophy of life.
How do you know if you are sapiosexual?
Have you ever found someone physically very charming, but found yourself totally turned off by their way of speaking, their style of writing or even their interests? Don’t worry, many of us have! But if your heart is torn between external beauty coupled with an intellect that falls short of your expectations and an unattractive physique combined with a mind that’s totally in harmony with yours…
It’s hard to know whether you’re a true sapiosexual or not. If you fully recognize yourself in these few outstanding characteristics of sapiosexuality, then you’ll know for sure.
The need for richness of spirit
As we’ve seen, sapiosexuals are attracted to intelligence. Intelligence can even become truly erotic. Here, only the richness of the mind is important. Words, ideas, thoughts and exchanges are the assets of seduction. Above all, sapiosexuals are looking for a real intellectual connection. Anything else is secondary, if not totally indifferent.
No interest in looks
Mind you, we’re not talking about an absence of sexual desire! It’s true that a sapiophile can be asexual, but so can anyone of any sexual orientation. A true sapiosexual, on the other hand, won’t give a damn about a person’s looks, as long as they’re totally attracted to their spirit. But the other person will only be attractive if his or her intellect is.
Intellectual intransigence
If you’re one of those people who hates spelling mistakes to the point of breaking off or not following up if the other person doesn’t write perfectly, then you may well be sapiosexual! In this trend, the intellectual level is so primordial that mistakes in writing, a lack of culture or a lack of reasoning can be totally prohibitive. Sounds extreme, but it happens…
Special exchanges
Just because you’re sexually attracted to a spirit doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy carnal exchanges! On the other hand, sapiosexuals don’t necessarily make love in the same way… It’s common for them to favor sensuality and mind games during their lovemaking, or even to have no libido to satisfy if their mind is satisfied. In other words, their intellectual appetite is more important than their sexual appetite.
Living your sapiosexuality
Sapiosexuality means loving in a different way. It’s a departure from the classic pattern based on physical attraction, so it’s necessary to go beyond appearances. The sapiosexual’s search for love will therefore often be more tedious, going against the grain of all dating and seduction models.
Dating sites are the best way to find your soulmate (or any long-term relationship, of course). The problem is, they’re almost unusable for a convinced sapiosexual, since they’re based almost exclusively on looks…
Who reads a user’s entire description before looking at the photos? A single dating app is revolutionizing the genre: Once, which offers you just one profile per day, but one that’s as compatible as possible with the criteria you’ve entered. It’s not much, but that’s what slow dating is all about. Finally, the Sapio app is totally dedicated to sapiosexual dating.
Living your sapiosexuality means seducing and being seduced differently. In a way, slow dating is a return to basics in our society of overconsumption: it’s about getting to know each other in a slower, more serene and more qualitative way. Instead of swiping and mating with 20 different people every day, you prioritize the quality of exchanges over the quantity of encounters. And that’s what sapiosexuality is all about!
To achieve this, you should first and foremost focus on activities that enable you to meet new people with whom you can have more in-depth exchanges: book clubs, conferences, round-table discussions on a particular theme, meetings of associative groups, organized leisure activities… It’s not in a discotheque or on a classic dating site that you’re most likely to meet someone who’s right for you. But by frequenting the right places and opening up to others, you’re bound to find your match.
Bottom line
Sapiosexuality, as the attraction and love of intelligence, is a sexual preference that encourages us to look beyond appearances, to contemplate the beauty of the mind and soul. In spite of the sometimes more complex search for love, a sapiosexual is bound to find the right person for him or her, in the intellectual harmony of a fulfilling relationship. After all, isn’t that what we all want?
